On Osama...

I dared not comment on facebook.

Maybe I'm a wimp. Maybe I have too many friends representing various religious, political, and moral beliefs. Maybe I wasn't in a mood to have people liking and commenting on my thoughts. Maybe I was surprised and upset by some postings and didn't want to do the same to others. Maybe it's an all of the above kind of day. Mostly, it feels safer here.

As always it was a roller coaster evening of emotions for me last night. I admit I tend to live in high highs and low lows. Last night was no different:

It started as Chris and I were watching Celebrity Apprentice. I will not vote for Donald Trump. I don't like his hair or his son's (either of them) hair. I do like his daughter. I'm off topic.....

Of course right as we were about to find out which celebrity was going home some no name news man interrupts to tell us the President is about to make an announcement. Without thinking I blurt out "Now what in the world could the President have to say at almost 10 pm that is worth interrupting our show?" Almost as quick as it came out the hubs and I were rolling laughing. I mean...isn't anything that the President would announce more important that Celebrity Apprentice? I digress.

Minutes led to half hours led to a hour of more official news casters making an appearance and ultimately the big announcement that Osama Bin Laden had been killed. I was very shocked and impressed that for the first time in almost 25 months (coincidentally or not the age of cupcake) I was hearing big world news live...not on facebook, not a week later, not when someone happened to be talking about it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I knew before my mom. Again...I'm off topic.

So, my thoughts? What I couldn't say on facebook?

I'm sad that US citizens were instantly and joyously celebrating. I'm sad that we have pictures in our paper that look scary similar to ones we scorned of Al Qaeda celebrating the day after 9/11. I'm sad that republicans are criticizing Obama's speech and democrats are mocking George Bush's failed efforts. If I allow myself to be a little silly here, I'm even sad that Royal wedding pictures have so quickly faded into the back drop because a murder is now better news.

I am thinking today of the Navy Seals who made the attack. I am thinking today of the people who lost loved ones on 9/11....do they feel a greater relief to their grief? I'm thinking of all the time, money, brain power, and blood that this murder took in the past decade or more. I'm thinking of all the people that protest war yet celebrate this "win."

I'm a justice girl. I love to see justice served. And....in a sense that has happened. But really at the root of my justice seeking heart I am learning that I don't want to see justice served by me, a cop, the government, or anything else in this world. In my unrest and ticking mind since the announcement last night I think the only thing I can cling to or rest in is that in reality I want to see God's justice served. As much as I think I know what this person or that person deserves, I don't ever feel rested or better when they get it. I know deep down that I don't know the whole story, the big picture, the grand design. I start to feel guilty that I assumed my limited knowledge was enough to crave justice. I assume that in the cases where I mess up my bigger picture is obvious and my good deeds out way my bad. BUT, let's get real. My friend Stephanie posted an awesome blog post. You can read it here. She hit the nail on the head: "my heart is not any different from bin Laden’s. And I deserve the same end he now faces. Except for some reason God decided to lavish His grace upon me and rescue me from the pit I was in and had no way of escaping from without Him. And in love and obedience Jesus the Son bore the wrath meant justly for me and so saved me from ever having to face it myself."

I'm not taking away from the efforts of MULTIPLE presidents, countless intelligence personnel, armed forces, or even the grieving hearts of the effected from 9/11. I'm just saying that celebrating/partying/carrying on in the name of justice that we've declared appropriate feels empty....even for my justice seeking heart. After all, the scripture Stephanie also posted says it best:

Ezekiel 33:11 Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live.

I'm hoping and praying that this death will open hearts to Christ. It won't be a justice free life but one where they turn from THEIR ways and live....live HIS way. Drink living water. Never thirst again. In the meantime, I'm not commenting on facebook or anymore about this. I'm turning back to the living water too. There are too many people in arms reach from me that have no different an end than that of Osama Bin Laden if someone doesn't point them to a Savior. If someone isn't fishing after them. Yesterday we lost at least one man (probably 2 others and a woman assuming those in the compound were members of al Qaeda) to the evil one. Today we can turn toward life and fish for men....